How to Train Small Group Leaders to Support Members Healing from Church Hurt

For every person who leaves a church because of pain, there’s someone still sitting in the pews carrying that same wound—just in silence.

They might be faithfully attending services, even leading in ministry. But beneath the surface, they’re hurting from past betrayal, spiritual manipulation, rejection, or even abuse at the hands of someone they trusted in the Church.

And when they finally get the courage to open up, it often happens in a small group.

That’s why how we train our small group leaders matters. These leaders aren’t just facilitating Bible studies—they’re stepping into sacred spaces where people bring their stories, their scars, and their search for a safe community.

If your church is ready to walk with the wounded more intentionally, here are five steps to help small group leaders support those healing from church hurt.

Assess Emotional Readiness

Not every spiritually mature leader is emotionally ready to walk with someone through pain.

Church hurt touches something deep—it’s not just disappointment; it’s often trauma wrapped in spiritual language. And if a leader hasn’t done their own emotional work, they may respond with defensiveness, shame, or spiritual clichés instead of compassion.

Start by helping your leaders assess where they are personally. Are they grounded? Are they self-aware? Can they stay present with someone else’s pain without feeling the need to fix it?

Encourage self-reflection and emotional maturity alongside spiritual development. A leader who is emotionally present—even if they don’t have all the answers—will create more healing than one who is quick to offer advice but can’t sit in the hard places.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” — Romans 12:15 (NIV)

Teach Active Listening Skills

One of the most powerful gifts a small group leader can offer is this: a listening ear without judgment.

When someone shares that they’ve been hurt by the Church—whether by a leader, a congregation, or even a spiritual teaching—they need more than a Bible verse or a shift in topic. They need someone to honor their story and hold space without rushing to fix it.

Train your leaders in active listening:

• Reflect back what you hear

• Avoid interrupting or defending “the church”

• Validate the person’s experience

• Point gently to hope in Christ, not a timeline for healing

Listening doesn’t mean endorsing everything shared—it means recognizing that the pain is real and worthy of being heard. And often, just being truly heard is the first step toward healing.

Introduce Trauma-Informed Basics

Many leaders have never been taught how trauma works—especially spiritual trauma.

Train your small group leaders in basic trauma awareness so they understand how pain, especially from church settings, can affect someone’s brain, body, and relationships. Trauma doesn’t always look like we expect it to. It may show up as anger, withdrawal, skepticism, or even perfectionism.

A trauma-informed leader learns not to take these reactions personally, but to respond with grace and curiosity.

Offer your leaders tools to recognize:

• Emotional triggers

• Avoidance or numbing

• Shame responses

• The difference between a wound and a wound that’s still bleeding

If you're looking for a deeper equipping resource, the Trauma Healing Certification is a great next step for leaders who want to walk alongside the hurting with biblical and emotional wisdom.

Trauma-informed ministry doesn’t require professional counseling credentials—but it does require humility, sensitivity, and preparation.

Clarify Referral Protocols

Church hurt often intersects with deeper emotional wounds—and sometimes what someone shares in a small group goes beyond the group’s ability to help.

That’s why your leaders need to know when to refer someone for additional support—and how to do it with care.

Make sure your small group leaders are familiar with:

• Your church’s referral process (e.g., who to contact on staff)

• Trusted Christian counselors in your network

• Local or national support groups for trauma or abuse recovery

Equip them with gentle language like: "Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like something that may need more care than we can offer in this space, and that’s okay. I’d love to help you connect with someone who can walk with you in a deeper way."

Referring someone doesn’t mean the group failed—it means they’re being loved well.

Support Your Leaders Well

Walking with the wounded is sacred—but it’s also heavy.

Your small group leaders can’t pour from an empty cup. To sustain this kind of ministry, they need to know they’re not alone either.

Offer your leaders:

• Regular check-ins (not just performance-based, but personal)

• Opportunities for prayer and spiritual encouragement

• Safe spaces to debrief difficult conversations or group dynamics

• Ongoing coaching and peer support

Healing ministry is a marathon, not a sprint. And your leaders will be more present, more compassionate, and more consistent when they know they are being seen and supported too.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” — Galatians 6:2 (NIV)

Final Thoughts

Healing from church hurt takes time, trust, and safe relationships. And small groups, when led with care, can be one of the most powerful environments for that healing to begin.

But your leaders can’t walk that road well without training, support, and clarity. When we equip them with tools rooted in both biblical truth and emotional wisdom, we begin to build a church where the wounded no longer have to suffer in silence.

And that’s the kind of church culture we’d love to help you cultivate.

👉🏾 Click here to book a free strategy call.

Let’s walk with the hurting—together.